This post is disgusting. So stop reading if you don't have an iron stomach.
So Brett and I have what I can only describe as the plague. Now after having the plague I can understand why history refers to that time period as the dark ages, because all you want to do is turn off all of the lights and burn any semi-happy person at the stake. Actually none of those events happened at the same time, but I majored in Biology not History so I don't really care. This latest round with the plague is rather monumental for me, because I can now count the number of times I have (ahem) thrown up since seventh grade on two hands. Surviving two operations, two pregnancies, high school and college, two c-sections, eight years of marriage, endless gagging diapers and most notably the last election with only puking my guts out six times should tell you something about how I feel about barfing. I HATE IT!!! Let me go through the steps of blowing chunks with you.
1. The awful recognition that you either have an upset stomach or you swallowed a baby octopus. Either way you know you will be kneeling in front of the porecelin throne for a while.
2. The Great Salt Lake suddenly becomes your mouth. No one has ever been able to explain to me how so much salt and so much saliva can suddenly make it's way into your mouth.
3. Your abs suddenly decide now would be a good time to start doing Abs of Steel all on their own. And the harder you hurl the tighter they clench until you are working out abs you didn't even know existed.
4. Your mouth opens like those pictures of a snake swallowing a gazelle and while you think I didn't know my mouth could open this wide the most vile substance on the Earth comes flowing out of it. That's right vomit. And just like the only other thing in the world that starts with a V and spews against gravity (a volcano) it burns everything it comes into contact with.
5. You brush your teeth with a new toothbrush, because certainly the old one had sick germs on it that got you into this mess. Then you get a new toothbrush because that one you just used is now contaminated with the plague.
6. The next day you wake up certain that you should look like Kate Hudson only to step on the scale and realize that you have only lost one pound.
I HATE BEING SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I sure hope this tides me over for another year or two.
9 comments:
I know how you feel! I hate it!!! Although, I kind of feel like I need to "blow chunks" now after reading that!
We need to get together...if the plauge is gone!
Oh, I am so sorry. Really. There isn't anything worse than throwing up!
Whew! I was so worried that you were going to lose a ton of weight and were going to beat me at Biggest Loser. I toyed with the idea of coming over to catch the plauge just so that you couldn't get ahead of the game. I'm really glad that is not necessary.
I am so sorry that you are sick, but I sure do love reading your blogs...They always give me quite a chuckle! I love your way with words. Much more entertaining than I ever could hope to be.
We had that sh#t too! The only part (and I mean only) that you left out was the diarrhea. Maybe next time.
Sorry you were all so sick :( Good thing our family does sick so well :)
I don't really know anyone who does like throwing up but I know what you mean. I really hate it too. When I feel like I am going to throw up I will lay as still as humanly possibly, for as long as I can, to avoid bowing down to the porcelain thrown. I hope you feel better! And if you're anything like me you'll have no trouble gaining that pound back with the first glass of water you drink.
Poor girl. I hate being sick. That totally takes me back to being prego. YUCK! If it makes you feel any better I got thrown up on last night. Which is worse?
Less Writing... More photos.
Reading makes me tired
ps: How are you guys?
--peter
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